I have been wrestling with this blog for weeks now, trying to determine what ails it beside the facts that it is generally negative in tone, boring and self-centered. These attributes…if you can call them that…come naturally to me, the scant master of the misanthropic screed. I dearly wanted this blog to be about something or someone besides myself but, to be tediously frank, I am all I can think about at the moment. I have a boatload of financial problems, I’ve developed an actual physical aversion to the process of writing…which used to be my “bread and butter”…and, to quote the Bard of Asbury Park, Mr. Bruce Springsteen, “my life’s on the line where dreams are finally lost.” ( From “Darkness at the Edge of Town.” )
I’m at the age where people…friends, inspirational idols and loved ones…are dropping like flies around me so I spend an inordinate time pondering The Big Sleep and the meaning of Life. Trust me, it’s really difficult to find material for humor in those two topics. I mollify myself by thinking that this blog…this running record of my deteriorating spirits…might serve as a cautionary tale to whoever reads it. Please do as I advise and do not live as I live. Get Happy or Get Lost and, my least favorite, your Attitude determines your Altitude. I hate that aphorism mostly because it’s true and I am currently hovering somewhere just beneath sea level, wracked with that most poisonous of obsessions, Remorse. At last count, I have determined that virtually EVERY decision I have made in my adult life has been a grievous error however well-informed I thought I was when I made them.
Knowing that I’m probably incapable of making good choices, I opt to make none which leaves me immobilized and stagnating. It’s a sorry state of affairs and even as I am certain it makes for boring reading, I feel compelled to put it down and share it with my meager readership…perhaps because I imagine they might feel as I do and gain some small measure of solace with the knowledge they are not alone. I only wish I had some answers but even these would be served up with a disclaimer: don’t listen to this guy; he’s got it all backwards. Rather, do exactly those things that he does not and you’ll stand a better chance at success.
I know the world is filled with misery far worse than my own and many would call me self-indulgent for airing my despair instead of cogent opinions about our crises-riddled planet and solutions for the problems that plague us all. But I’m no Pope nor President; woefully under-educated and intellectually void. I don’t know how to fix the world except to say STOP DOING WHAT WE’RE DOING to ourselves and our planet.
Truth is, it’s been a tough week all around. The Boston Marathon bombings…the sheer ridiculousness and stupidity of the crimes…has got me down. I know, I know…I’m supposed to take pride and feel encouraged by the heroic response of everybody involved, at least that’s what the news media keeps telling me: the upshot of the whole tragedy is that we proved our mettle.
(Though I’m perplexed by how those two scumbags weren’t on any Homeland Security watchlists. How does a guy travel freely to Russia and Chechnya to and from the U.S. with out arousing someone’s suspicions? It’s not like those two places are vacation resorts that welcome floods of fun-seeking tourists every year. Not only that but an AMERICAN guy who posts what amounts to terrorist rabble on the Internet and raises no eyebrows, either here or in Russia?)
I’m digressing into a depressing subject. You know what this blog needs? Some old-fashioned redeeming social value. So here it is; enjoy. I’m going to take some more medicine and climb back into my wallow for a while. And, NO, you are not welcome to join me!